Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Stupidest Jobs in the World

Sunday night, K, AJ and I went to a dinner party hosted by some friends of ours. During the conversation that night, our hosts let it slip that they had taken their cocker spaniels to a doggie dermatologist. Yep, a doctor who specializes in the skin of dogs. My first reaction was that this was the stupidest job in the world. But I wanted to reserve judgment on that one. Especially when the couple dropped some more stuff that was way easier to make fun of. Like the fact that their dog has been prescribed kangaroo meat to help with his skin condition. Yes, you can read that again, but it won't change what it says. Kangaroo meat. Next time you go to the supermarket, take a gander through the meat section and see if they have some kangaroo meat under celophane.

So that got me thinking, what's the stupidest jobs in the world that people actually get paid to do? I mean, besides being a doggie dermatologist. Here's the list I came up with:

Odor Judge: These people work for deodorant companies and actually get paid to smell people's armpits after different kinds of spray and roll-on deodorants are applied. Would this even be something you'd admit to your friends that you did? Hey, speaking of smells...

Flatulence Analyst: This person does just exactly what it says. A professor hired college students to actually smell the farts of study participants (who'd probably eaten more beans than anyone should in a lifetime) to see if gas can accurately tell a person's intestinal health. This is further proof that college kids will do anything for beer money.

Mosquito Researcher: Wanted, someone with a lot of time on their hands at night, and a fetish for itching, to be bitten repeatedly by mosquitoes in order that scientists can catch several of the little buggers to study... something about them. Interested?

Dog Food Tester: You know how you've always thought that the gravy-covered, meaty square-shaped dog food you've poured into Pooch's bowl has always looked like it might taste good? Well, someone somewhere gets paid to actually find out.

Video Game Tester: 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, you play video games. These are not the people to challenge to a Madden or Halo game with money on the line.

Paper Towel Sniffer: These people smell paper towels to see if they smell after mopping up stuff. So, the next time you use a sheet of Hefty to sweep up your dog's pee, take a quick whiff. If it doesn't smell, then this guy has done his job. If it does, well, then your dog wins that round.

Potato Chip Inspector: They look at and taste potato chips for imperfections. I saw Mike Rowe, of "Dirty Jobs," do this one on an episode. It was at the Dirty Chip Company. He didn't look like he was too upset at this one. No word on if these people get a complimentary membership to Weight Watchers is part of the company benefits.

Beer Tester: The only bad part about this job is that you can't actually swallow the beer you put in your mouth. There's a handy spit cup right next to you. Reminds me of the worst job for an animal, that of the horse fluffer (a male horse whose job is to get the in heat female horse sufficiently in heat so that he can be led away from the girl so that a better, more worthy male can come in and do the job... yeah, his life sucks).

Furniture Tester: Hmm, this recliner doesn't feel right for football games on Saturday afternoons. But if you like a nice Cognac, and some Masterpiece theater, this baby's perfect for you!

Chicken Sexer & Hair Boiler: I saved these for last because they sound like the worst ones to admit to another person that you do for a living. A chicken sexer looks at baby chickens to see if they are male or female so they can be separated, and a hair boiler actually boils the hair of different kinds of animals so they curl up for later use. Neither of these seem to be very high on most people's "Must Do This Job" list, but hey, the economy's bad.

So what are you waiting for? Start on careerbuilder and craigslist today! You're future as the world's best fart smeller is only a couple cans of beans away.

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