Things I Learned This Week

These are the things I learned this week off from blogging:

- My mother and step-father love my son, to the point that they actively want to hold him even when he projectile poops all over them.

- Breast milk does not taste good.

- My dog loves me, The Wife and our son but he loves pooping on the floor more.

- Scarlett Johansson's boobs and butt are not enough to make He's Just Not That Into You worth your time. Although it will reconfirm your belief that all women in movies are nuts.

- Churches have yet to figure out that if you turn your air conditioner on in the summer, more people will come.

- There's not enough pleading, begging, crying, wailing or gnashing of teeth in the world to make a baby stop crying; however letting him sleep on your chest is a miracle cure.

- Turner & Hooch is just as funny today as it was 20 years ago when it came out.

- The only thing that comes close on the pain scale to being racked in the nads for a guy is having the hair right around your nipple ripped out by your 9-week old son.

- I felt old after learning that it's been 20-freaking years since Tom Hanks made every parent in America hate him because he made every kid in America want a dog that looked like it swallowed a tennis shoe.